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How I met my Significant Other (The Non Rainbow Pooping Unicorn FULL STORY)

While yes this is that type of story, but I promise you if you keep reading you will see I share the big picture, not just the cutesy polaroid.

I’ve never shared this story with you all but since its almost been a year and a half, I figure why not.

So a lot of you know I had my heart broken in Winter 2017, and then a smaller heartbreak in that following summer of 2018. That heartbreak in 2017 destroyed me. It took me about 3 months to feel normal again and about 6 months to fully recover. But then I got dumped again, so suffice to say Fall 2018 was not great. That 2017 pain was a result of a 3 month relationship which is nothing but I fell hard and I fell fast. Let’s just say 2018 was an interesting year dating wise.

But what a lot of you don’t know is that exactly one year after my first breakup….to the EXACT day, I had my first date with my boyfriend. It took us about a month to get to that point, mainly because I had a crazy schedule and also because I had rules haha. Before any house date, always have a first date in a public place. I blame that on Law & Order and also because it easier when you’re both a level playing field. He had asked if I wanted to come over for dinner but I shot him down cause of that rule. He also asked me out to a concert on a Sunday and in all honestly I didn’t want to be a blob on Monday. But then a few days later he finally wore me down by simply asking if I was free Saturday. I responded yes and he responds “cool, lets go to this concert together”. I won’t lie to you all, I was like “hell no a concert on a first date…what psycho plans that”. But I also had the worse dating year of my life, so I really had nothing to lose. (My date right before this one, I went to thinking it was the other guy in the photo…that was my lowest point lol.). I asked if we could first meet at a bar, to make things easier. I remember vividly as I was getting dressed thinking to myself “worse comes to worse, I sneak away to go to the bathroom and leave”.

I remember getting to the bar and it was packed. I texted saying “I was here” and waiting about a good 5 minutes before a response came in cause cell reception was bad. But then I got the “where to go” text and was like “ok lets get this over with”.

We hit it off pretty quickly talking about random things.

I remember him telling me that he’s weird and I remember telling him that I am weirder than him. And then I spilled one of my childhood secrets about my obsession with Digimon and how I made a tribute Youtube video to one of the couples. I HAD never told that to a guy before let alone on a first date. But I definitely credit my comfort to the fact that I had realized along the online dating journey that I am who I am, weird and all, and that’s what makes me, me. If you don’t like it, bye Felicia.

After about 30 minutes, we walked over to the concert hall and waited for the show to start. But the conversation never stopped. I remember half way into the show staring up into the ceiling which was painted like a sky by the way, and thinking “please God I like him, if he breaks my heart don’t let it be too painful” followed by a weird sense of “this is different than anything I’ve experienced”. The concert finished and we didn’t want to leave each other just yet so onto an arcade bar we went. And the rest is kind of history. Within a week, we were official, and I just sat in shock at the fact that my little dating schedule of waiting atleast 3 months before being official went out the window. I finally met a guy who knew what he wanted, and went for it.

I am not sharing this with you all to brag. Yes this is an adorable story and I am so beyond happy I can share it.

But before this crazy happiness, I went through a lot of pain, a lot of heartbreak, and a lot of hurt. I experienced ghosting, breadcrumbing, dumping, insecurity among a lot of other emotions. Now I can joke about the fact that I literally tried every single dating app out there. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, The League, Coffee Meets Bagel, Badoo, and Plenty of Fish. But don’t let my humor negate the fact that online dating was easy. Gosh no, it was the absolute opposite. I went out on a lot of first dates, second dates and third dates. I got rejected, but I also rejected. It taught me a lot about who I am, what I want out of life and how important loving oneself first is. I read a lot of articles and a lot of books (Why Men like Bitches is still a book I recommend everyone reads). I lowered my standards to see if all my requirements were just that, required. I heightened my standards when I realized what key facts were important to me. I learned the importance of grieving after a breakup and learned that you don’t know what heartbreak is until you experience it.

The universe tested me so hard, but I am stronger because of it.

So if you are in a rough patch right now, know that you are not alone.

Behind every “How we met story”, there is a lot behind the scenes that people don’t tell you.

But that’s why I am here, to share that the world is not filled with rainbow pooping unicorns. It is however filled with rainbows after nasty shit storms.

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Whole30 Turkey

  • Turkey
  • Ghee
  • EVOO
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Sage
  • Thyme
  • Oregano
  • Basil
  • Garlic Cloves
  • Lemon
  • Celery
  • Carrots
  • Handful of Dried Apricots
  • Handful of Dried Dates
  • 2 Oranges
  • 2 Apples
  • Citrus LaCroix (Grapefruit, Lemon, Tangerine, Apricot)

**The following was done based on a 10lb turkey. Cooking time will vary depending the weight

  1. The process starts with defrosting! I would say about 24-30 hours before you plan on cooking your turkey, take a tub/container, cover it in a plastic bag or unscented garbage bag, and place your unpackaged turkey inside.
  2. Next fill the bag/container with water, add kosher salt or sea salt, a handful of peeled garlic cloves, and a handful of lemon slices. Once filled, tie the bag tightly, so that the turkey can soak. (I fondly like to call this spa time).
  3. Now about 24 hours later, remove the defrosted turkey from the tub and drain the water. You can leave the turkey in the tub for the time being.
  4. Take your celery and clean up the stalks. I would say to have about 4 – 6 stalks depending on the size of the turkey. Then place the stalks on the bottom of your pan to create a platform. You can also use a mixture of carrots and celery for this.
  5. Now take your EVOO,combine it with all the spices (Salt, Pepper, Sage, Thyme,Oregano, Basil ) and let it sit.
  6. Back to the turkey now! Take your ghee and spoon out chunks and insert or politely shove it under the skin. Be careful to do this semi-delicately as the skin can easily tear. Make sure you do this all over the turkey so that the ghee can be evenly distributed.
  7. Once finished, place turkey on top of the celery platform.
  8. Preheat the oven to 425F.
  9. Take a spoon or a food brush, and evenly coat the skin of the turkey from all sides, under the wings and between the legs.
  10. Once done, insert the orange quarters, apple quarters, lemon slices, dried apricots and dried dates into the turkey. Whatever doesn’t fit, place around the turkey.
  11. Now open up and pour the can of citrus Lacroix over the turkey.
  12. Place the turkey uncovered into the oven.
  13. Let the turkey cook at 425F for 15 minutes.
  14. Then turn the temperature down to 350F and cook the turkey for another 2 hours or so.
  15. Every 30 minutes or so, baste the turkey with juices and add another half can of LaCroix, making sure to pour over the skin.
  16. I would highly suggest the use of a meat thermometer to cook the turkey until 160F.
  17. After the temperature reaches 160F, remove the turkey from the oven and cover with tin-foil to keep warm.

Enjoy!

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Whole30 Pumpkin Spice Bonanza Bowl

Ingredients

  • 1 ripe banana
  • 2 eggs
  • Coconut Oil
  • Unsweetened applesauce
  • Cinnamon
  • 1 TBSP of canned pumpkin
  • Pumpkin Spice Seasoning

Optional: Fruits, Unsweetened Coconut Flakes, Walnuts, Almond Slivers, Paleo Granolas (grain-free)

 

Steps:

  1. Heat up about 1 TBSP of coconut oil (make sure its unrefined (tastes a ton better) coconut oil).
  2. Mash ripe banana with a fork in a bowl.
  3. Crack open and add in the eggs.
  4. Add the canned pumpkin
  5. Whisk until smooth
  6. Sprinkle cinnamon and pumpkin spice.
  7. Pour mix into pan with coconut oil and treat like scrambled eggs stirring occasionally.
  8. Once cooked fully through, transfer to a bowl and top with unsweetened applesauce and other optional toppings.

Enjoy!

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Whole30 Sweet Sweet Potato Fries

Now quick Whole30 tip…fries are only allowed on a Whole30 if they are homemade…only in that scenario can you say “Whole30 Fries”. That being said, I still say be aware if fries are your FWNB..food with no brakes.

It is also important to note that for this recipe you need the coconut oil spray….I tried to make these without the spray and I noticed my fries didn’t roast as well and were basically swimming in coconut oil. Also its important to use a baking sheet rather than a glass pan….also the swimming factor.

 

Ingredients

Servings: 1

  • 1 sweet potato
  • Can of Coconut Spray ( I used the Pompeian Brand I found at Walmart for $3)
  • Cinnamon
  • Pinch of Salt
  1. Preheat oven to 425F
  2. Peel your sweet potato and then cut into one inch slices. Make sure you use a sharp knife…that makes life alot easier!
  3. Arrange the “fries” on a lined baking sheet either with wax paper or aluminium foil.
  4. Spray “fries” with coconut oil to lightly coat. I recommend flipping over to make sure you get all sides.
  5. Once evenly coated, sprinkle as much cinnamon as much as you prefer. I enjoy a luxurious coating so my “fries” were basically brown haha. Then at this point I added the pinch of salt.
  6. Then bake fries for 20 minutes.
  7. Let them cool.
  8. You can either dip them in BBQ, Almond Butter or eat them as is!

 

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Whole30 Sausage Pizza Egg Muffins

So love pizza for breakfast but your on Whole30 and all that jazz….well let me introduce you to these puppies.

Ingredients

Serving – 12 muffins

  • 8 eggs
  • 2 compliant chicken sausages ( I used Coleman’s Organic Spinach sausages for more flavor but any italian/veggie style should work) (other suggestions include TJ’s spicy italian sausage or Braut Haus sausages)
  • 5 white mustrooms sliced
  • 1 green pepper sliced into cubes
  • Salt
  • Garlic powder
  • Chili Powder
  • Basil
  • Oregano
  • Pepper
  • Avocado Oil
  • Cupcake Tin
  • Can of tomato sauce
  • Nutritional Yeast (I get mine at Tj’s)

 

Steps

  1. Preheat oven to 350F
  2. Chop up mushrooms to thin slivers, green peppers in cubes or rectangles, and sausage into half circles. Put these ingredients in a bowl.
  3. Next crack eggs into bowl and whisk. Add salt and garlic powder to mix.
  4. Pour egg mix into fresh ingredients bowl.
  5. Next spray your cupcake tin with avocado oil or if you’re uber fancy line the tins with cupcake paper holders
  6. Pour out the mixture into the cups…just be aware to not fill them too high because eggs have a tendency to run over the top….and spill into your oven…and then cause a lot of problems. (Learned from eggsperience lol)
  7. Now onto to the sauce… take your can of tomato sauce, add in salt, basil, oregano, black pepper, a little garlic powder and about 2 heaping spoonfuls of nutritional yeast. You can either mix this by hand or use a handy dandy immersion blender. At this point, I would add about 1/4 cup water to liquefy the sauce a bit more.
  8. Add about 2 TBSP to each muffin.
  9. Bake the muffins for 30 minutes.
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Roasted Plantain Chips (Homemade)

Ingredients

  1. Green Plantains (I used 3 for the bowl)
  2. Sea Salt
  3. Avocado Oil (I used Chosen Foods Spray – makes life so much easier)

Steps

  1. Preheat oven to 450F
  2. Cut up plantains into quarter size slivers or smaller slices. The thinner you cut, the quicker they roast and the crispier they get!
  3. Place on a cooking sheet with a wire rack over it to allow for roasting on both sides.
  4. Spray with the avocado oil and sprinkle with sea salt.
  5. Place in the oven for about 20 minutes.
  6. Remove and let cool and enjoy with salsa, guac or alone! 

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Whole30 Roasted Brussel Sprouts

Ingredients

  • raw halved brussel sprouts
  • avocado oil (better in a spray bottle for roasting)
  • lemon pepper
  • garlic powder
  • garlic salt
  1. Preheat oven to 450F
  2. Arrange sprouts on a baking sheet or pan.
  3. Spray with the avocado oil (I used chosen foods)
  4. Sprinkle seasonings
  5. Mix well and put in the oven for about 40 minutes (30 minutes if you like them a little softer)
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Whole30 Stuffed Cabbage (GOLABKI)

So I’m 100 percent Polish and with that I’m gonna say I’M SUPER POLISH. Growing up there were several recipes that my mom made that were my absolute fav! Golabki or better known as stuffed cabbage rolls are great for a hearty dinner (or lunch in my case) and they FREEZE WELL. Its a little work heavy in the beginning but the payoff is worth it.

Ingredients

Rolls

  • 2lbs ground pork
  • 2lbs ground beef or pork
  • 1 small container of white mushrooms
  • 2 white onions
  • 1 head of cabbage
  • 6 cloves of garlic
  • 2 TBSP Thyme
  • 2 TBSP Majoram
  • 1 TSP Salt
  • 1 TSP Pepper
  • 2 eggs
  • 3 c Cauliflower Rice

Sauce

  • 1 large can of crushed tomatoes
  • 1 medium can of tomato sauce
  • Sprinkle of oregano
  • Sprinkle of salt
  • Sprinkle of pepper
  • Sprinkle of majoram
  • Sprinkle of basil
  • Ghee
  1. Chop the onion and garlic either in a food processor or by hand. Heat ghee in a pan and then add onion garlic mix. Let that cook about 5 minutes and add in the the mushrooms, cut in 1/4 or 1/8 pieces depending on the size of the ‘shroom. Saute until browned
  2. Separately combine the majoram, thyme, salt, pepper and eggs until thoroughly mix.
  3. Remove meat from packaging into a bowl and dump in mixture and 3 cups cauliflower rice. Mix until it become one big lump. Set aside.
  4. Fill a large pot with water and set it to boil. Start peeling leaves from cabbage. One by one place leaf into boiling water for 30 seconds. Then remove and pour cold water on it. You can either do all the leaves at once or one by one moving on to the next step.
  5. Take leaf and remove super extra steam. Then take a handful of meat mixture ( depending on leaf size), place on leaf and roll into a small package.
  6. At this point, oven should be preheating to 350F.
  7. Place each cabbage roll onto a glass baking pan.
  8. Once your pan is filled put in the oven for 2 hours. IMG-5524

Sauce

  1. Take crushed tomato can and tomato sauce can and dump both into a small pot.
  2. Let the mixture heat on medium to low. At this point add in the spices.
  3. About 10 minutes into heating, I took my immersion blender to the mixture to make it more smooth, but this is optional.

*about an hour into baking, take the cabbage rolls out and pour half the sauce into the pan, almost submerging the rolls. Bake for another hour.

Let them cool or serve warm. As mentioned above, these are great for freezing!

 

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WHOLE30 Banana Chips (Bare Snacks Dupe)

So any store bought chips are a no no on the Whole30 but anything homemade is okay as long as its not your FWNB (food with no breaks). So if you have willpower, if you need something sweet and compliant…these are your go-to.

Ingredients

  • 4 bananas
  • about 2 TBSP of virgin coconut oil ( I used the Kirkland Organic Coconut Oil)
  • Cinnamon

 

  1. Pre-heat oven to 450F
  2. Basically peel and cut the bananas about a 1/2 inch or less thick
  3. Melt the coconut oil in a microwave and use a kitchen brush to spread delicately on the chips
  4. Sprinkle the cinnamon generously
  5. Bake for 25-30 minutes

**You have the option of flipping the chips but its not necessary.

The chips will come out a little softer if you cut thicker and bake for less.

 

IMG-5523

 

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Quick Whole30 Buttery BrocRice

This is a perfect simple and quick Whole30 side dish that takes less than 15 minutes to make!

 

Ingredients:

  • Broco Rice (Trader Joes) (Fresh Produce section)
  • Olive Oil (Aldi)
  • Garlic Powder
  • Salt
  1. Pour broco-rice into a saucepan and steam for 2 – 5 minutes. Then add the olive oil and spices and cook for another 10-15 minutes.